May 2013
tardisity:
The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town.
sweeneytad:
*dentist slaughters family in front of you*
they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
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hey-cas:
shutupmerlin:
‘THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO MARKET’ OH GOD IT’S NOT TO BUY FOOD, HE WENT AS FOOD. THE LITTLE PIGGY WENT AS FOOD.
my whole childhood has been a lie.
somethingaboutgaret:
homosexuality is not a choice because hulk hogan gave me my first boner and nobody would choose that
God: I love all my children equally.
[Earlier in the Bible]
God: I don't care for Job.
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Person: What state do you live in?
Me: Denial.
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mirrortraffic:
NEW DEVELOPMENTS
apparently my mom is not even home
and the person i hear puttering around the house is the carpet cleaning service
I’VE BEEN YELLING ‘GRILL ME A CHEESE’ AT THEM FOR 20 MINUTES
“If there is a God, He will have to beg my forgiveness.”
– A phrase that was carved on the walls of a concentration camp cell during WWII by a Jewish prisoner (via thepinesaredancing)
“Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive.”
– Hafiz (via illusionsvk)
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“I firmly believe in small gestures: pay for their coffee, hold the door for...”
– Jonathan Carroll (via perfect) 